Craigslist is a wonderful place to find shoes, microwaves and broken-down shacks with “charm.” But have you ever considered using it as a platform for your wedding planning? Here are just a few of the most ridiculous and off-the-wall Craigslist marriage ads.

Let’s start with the basics. If you have a girlfriend, you need a ring, which is why one entrepreneurial spirit offered to exchange his cockatiel for a wedding band. The ideal candidate was a deaf woman who couldn’t hear the squawking.

Then there’s a guy with the opposite problem. He has a 14K white gold engagement ring he’d like to get rid of because it was once worn “by Satan herself.” Just beware that it “may be cursed as it tends to leave a path of destruction behind it.”

Men aren’t the only ones to turn to Craigslist in their hour of need. Take this Vancouver bride who decided to outsource her search for bridesmaids: In exchange for free food and drink, she’s looking for women between 27-33 who are under 5’5″, wear less than a size six and speak Punjabi. Oh, and they should be “attractive but not too attractive.”

Another woman decided to post an ad in search of a husband. She’d like all the traditional things in a man, including a good job and a nice body, and she promises a healthy libido for her groom-to-be. The only catch is that she wants to get married tomorrow.

This man is looking for love too, except he wants to be very clear that he’s only looking for a starter wife. If you want true love, don’t bother. But if you just want someone to piss off your parents, he’s your guy.

Citing his brother’s “unique brand of expectant coercion and astonishingly consistent lack of judgement,” this DC man turned to the personals to find a band for his sibling’s wedding. He didn’t, however, want anyone good. Only “unemployed band(s) of pothead hobbyists” were encouraged to apply.

Angry that she missed her opportunity to be on Wife Swap, this Vancouver woman wants to trade lives with a married lady just to see how the other side lives. Maybe she should get in touch with the Punjabi-speaking bride above.

We’ll let this ad speak for itself: “I’m not going to say that my sister is evil, but she is.”