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15 Questions Married Couples Are Sick of Hearing

  Posted on August 18, 2014

1. So when are you starting a family?

You’re lucky of you make it off the aisle before awkward discussions of sperm and eggs get thrown in your direction.2. Do you guys ever have fights?Nope. Married people are madly in love with every word that comes out of each other’s mouths and agree with each other on every aspect of life, from politics to dirty laundry.3. Have you ever broken up before?How does this knowledge benefit you in any way?

4. Do you miss getting to do whatever you want?

This is either a lazy euphemism for “have sex with other people,” or they really think marriage comes with the same daily schedule as prison.

5. How’s married life?

You come back from your honeymoon pretty much the same person as before, with the added bonus of being completely mystified by this question.

6. Is married sex really different?

The parts all go in the same places, and that’s all you need to know.

7. Is your mother-in-law driving you crazy?

Because life is a sitcom from the nineties.

8. Are you scared knowing you’ll be stuck with the same person forever?

Believe it or not, this is actually a question most people consider before they get married.

9. Do you ever think about getting divorced?

Why is this an okay thing to ask? Divorce yourself from this conversation.

10. Do you guys do everything together now?

For some reason, people seem to think the little gold ring on your finger is a magical vortex that sucks your will to be your own person.

11. Do you think you settled down too soon?

Usually the people asking this question have read an article in a magazine about the right age to get married that they can’t wait to tell you about.

12. How long were you together before you got married?

Hello, we’re looking for clues to unlock the secret algebra equation that predicts your chances for divorce.

13. Who wears the pants in the family?

Don’t they know the secret to a happy marriage is no pants allowed?

14. Aren’t you glad you don’t have to date anymore?

Obviously, the real reason to get married is to avoid the hell that is other people. Actually this might not be entirely wrong.

15. Are you happy?

Short answer? Yes. Now stop asking.